Chapter one

I watched with admiration as my new husband rolled the carpet up effortlessly. Having been married for a grand total of 8 weeks I had already learnt that Pete was multi talented. Apparently like his father he was a natural at DIY.

This was a relief as the romantic cottage in the country,I had  convinced  him to buy as  our first home together transpired to be a very damp hotel for woodworm. So removing the carpet on the first Sunday to enable the damp course to be installed was slightly alternative entertainment than I had envisaged.

I also quickly learnt that this gorgeous man was incredibly patient...no growling as he worked hard on the preparation, no rebuking my insistence that this WAS the perfect starter home for us.

Pete had preferred a slightly cheaper bigger terraced house on a modern estate. Practical, convenient for work as we only had the one car, and required absolutely no work at all.

"Willow Herb Cottage", Tubbs Lane, Highclere...like something lifted from the latest Mills and Boon. Neither of us have ever been 'skinny' so "Tubbs Lane" was surely a sign...

Pete loved tea, which was a great discovery...my dear departed grandad drank tea in copious amounts so I had this wonderful notion that God had Blessed me with a gentleman just like my grandad. Perfect.

My job then and now is to supply Pete tea in conveyor belt style if he is maintaining the house. Actually this also applies if he's sitting watching TV, waking up, working from home, eating...just being in the house. This system works well. I can do tea. I am traditional to the end, sorry all you feminists but it really suits me to "look after" this handsome man.

Back to the carpet rolling...obviously the perfect time to discuss future plans...both of us were keen on a big family...I quite fancied 3 children, maybe 4 ..Pete wanted 6!

Knowing this I embarked on a roller coaster of emotion.

If we were to be Blessed with a big family then surely we should leave the timing to God, not use contraception. You never know what problems may lie ahead and at 25... Time could run out!

Although he doesn't ever remember agreeing to this hastily hatched plan...the pill was binned that night. I thought we shall just carry on as normal. It wasn't as if we were especially trying, but being newly married, surely once a day was normal?

I'm not quite certain how quickly this 'whenever' approach rapidly descended into a desperate ' I can't get pregnant' obsession - possibly a few days, as the unexpected period arrived.

3 months later I considered purchasing a pregnancy test ready...after all my very regular period was 2 hours late. The distress in the toilet...5 hours later could possibly have been heard by our neighbours.

Pete tried to console me by saying surely you don't always fall straight away? It could take months...as you said The Lord is in control. It will be in His timing. Yes I relented of course....maybe next month.

I decided The Lord may want me to be more proactive - a cushion under my butt after the deed may make them swim faster...

Another hysterical moment of 'negative' the following month, this time at work...so I had to keep it under wraps and try not to look too upset, I kept telling myself  "In God's time" ...but surely God knew I wanted one 'now'.

I sound like a spoilt child, which I possibly was, but the all consuming broodiness had taken control of every inch of my being.

After 9 unsuccessful months I concluded I must be infertile and went to see the doctor. It was embarrassing explaining to her the enormous frequent efforts we had gone go to conceive this much wanted baby.(
(Pete was oblivious as he was more than content to be patient...happy for it to happen 'whenever'.
I think most of my waking thoughts included a new position that may make a difference.
I would look longingly into prams and coo over cute babies. Was it hormonal? Was I just mad? Pete humoured me and would bring me a cup of tea whilst I rested for at least twenty minutes, following any activity.
The elderly lady doctor reassured me that although many accidents occurred after only one consummation...it could take up to two years. Two years! Well I knew Peter wouldn't complain but it seemed forever to wait.

She sent me on my way,only to return if I wasn't pregnant within another 9 months....that night I finished with a headstand against the wall.